Tell them you are [Insert Name Here]'s assistant. Tell them [So-And-So] has really bad diarrhea and are taking a shit at the moment. Make sure to mention you can here them voiding there bowels from your current position which is down the hallway. Ask them if they can hold momentarily while you transfer them to Mr. [Instert Name]'s toilet-side telephone. Play a ridiculous song such as a repeat of Stinky Pinky theme song (look it up on youtube). Leave telephone with music and go take a shit, making sure to record said shit or get a rfake noise from the internet. Stop the hold music and act as though you are Mr. [Whoever] picking up the phone and say hello. Once they start talking play the shit recording full blast to interrupt them. Stop and allow them to begin to talk, continue the recording and stop it. Tell them all about your diarrhea dilemma and how those Chili Fries were a bad idea. If they insist on calling back tell them you will be going on vacation and wont be available for several months. Wait until they start talking about what they want to sell...keep stopping and playing the recording, fuck with them as much as possible. Press 9 before they hang up, pressing 9 for most telemarketers puts you on their do-not-call list.